On Family.

I spend most of the time reading this book wishing that Howard wasn't so stupid, and wishing that Kiki could realize the best path she should take in terms of getting over the pain of what her husband has done, whether this be leaving him or forgiving him. In fact, a good portion of the book chooses to focus on marital relationships, successful and not, and lust and love and the kinds of relationships that can be fleeting, to some extent; as binding as relationships and marriage are, they can still fizzle; even the 30 years that Howard and Kiki spent building a particularly strong and happy life together came crumbling due to mistakes that one of them made. In this way, there is no absolute permanence that romantic love can promise, as love is funny and cruel sometimes, I guess, in that way.


But what Zadie Smith seems to be subtly stressing is the importance of your own family, the idea that blood is thicker than water. Although the Belsey siblings are not at all alike or even that close, they seem to have an unspoken love and dependence on each other. Reading this makes me miss my brother, despite the fact that we are not always that close or similar; we still have the bond of the experience of growing up in the same exact home and this produces a certain closeness that will exist, whether I like it or not. Smith really captures this in the scene in the coffee shop where they are happen to meet up with each other and exemplifies the permanence of the sibling relationship that cannot be broken. She explains that they were so comfortable with each other, despite their differences, since, to each other, “They were just love: they were the first evidence he ever had of love, and they would be the last confirmation of love when everything else fell away”. I guess it’s weird to admit, but my brother is probably the closest and longest relationship I’ll ever have. But it’s nice, at the same time, because you never know what will happen in terms of who my friends will be or if I will break up with the love of my life, and they say you can’t choose your family, which can be frustrating sometimes, but in the long run, I always know that he will be there.

And while Smith says that “a five-year age gap between siblings is like a garden that needs constant attention. Even three months apart allows the weeds to grow up between you”, the fact that the weeds are growing does not mean that the garden is dead. I see this in the relationship between Zora and Jerome, when they go to the party together in the end of the novel. Although they do not have much to say to each other, the things they choose to say are exactly what they each need to hear; they are both hurting but at least they can lean on each other to bear it. When siblings aren’t being the source of your pain, the undeniable love between them can be just what you need to alleviate it.